“And when I feel alone, like no one understands what I’m going through, I remember my friends who get it.”
Sometimes you love a movie, not because you can relate to it, but because it’s the epitome of what you’ve been searching for. That’s what Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is for me.
Miles Morales, understandably, gets scared and confused when he’s first given his powers. Most of all, though, he feels alone. The thing I’ve learned about loneliness is that it’s a hard thing to pull yourself out of. You can’t make other people like you, but you need other people in order to feel less lonely.
In this interview with neuroscience researcher John Cacciopo, he explains how it affects our behaviors:
“When you feel lonely, you get more defensive. You focus more on self-preservation even though this is not done intentionally. Completely unbeknownst to you, your brain is focusing more on self-preservation than the preservation of those around you. This, in turn, can make you less pleasant to be around. Over time, this can increase the likelihood of negative social interactions. Thus, the focus on self-preservation can have short-term survival benefits but -- if not reversed -- can have long-term costs.”
At the start of the movie, it’s clear that within his community, a lot of people know Miles. As his walk continues, he gets further away from that. It’s not that he’s that far if he can walk to school, but it’s the perception of loneliness. He’s at a new school where he has no friends and that’s not easy for him.
In 2019, I left California and moved to a state I had never been to (Colorado), where I only knew a few family members. I didn’t want to leave, but because I didn’t have steady work, I couldn’t find a place to live. So I was forced to go with my parents. It’s hard being in a place where you don’t know anyone and to top it off, everyone in the neighborhood were either roughly my parents' age or couples with kids. I never saw a person who looked like they were around my age. So I never made any friends.
During the pandemic a friend of mine started a record club where we’d hop on a Zoom call and discuss a record every week. I didn’t really know any of the other people in the club, but eventually I did end up becoming friends with most of them outside of the club. The downside still was that none of them lived near me.
Eventually, I moved to Seattle, where one of them lived and another lived nearby. That was my leap of faith. I was finally starting to feel less alone. But that feeling didn’t last and that’s why I’m still striving for what it is that Miles found by the end of the movie.
I’m currently back to living alone, which is something that I prefer, but I also know it’s not good for me. I will go days without having a conversation with anyone and it’s getting harder for me to feel like I can connect with anyone.
Peter B. Parker mentions to Miles that he won’t know when he’s ready, it’s just a leap of faith. That’s the thing I’ve been hanging on to from this movie. Yeah, the loneliness is relatable, but life isn’t like the movies and people aren’t going to all converge where I live and make me feel less alone.
But even if they aren’t all here, I know I have friends who believe in me, more than I’ve ever believed in myself, and I just have to find a way to believe in myself. Maybe that’s my next leap of faith.